Pizza in the City: Paneer Tikka Pizza? that is Blasphemy, not gastronomic artistry you fool!

Tomato puree has been replaced with over-sweetened ketchup. Stringy, real cheese has been substituted with dry and less flavorful cottage cheese or paneer, and now, we have pizzas that look like a bouquet of vegetables you were supposed to eat as a child!

If pizza were styled as a place to linger, it wouldn't score big, i.e., if the place were located in Delhi.

The cookie-cutter lifestyle has somewhat narrowed the options we have for eating out. Saying that it has helped expand our gastronomic horizon would be lying blatantly. Urbanity is closely related to easy foods, and pizza is the king of all things easy to assemble and deliver at short notice. However, something very wrong is happening in the world of pizza-making in the city. The non-European vibe has been replaced with utter stupidity. Even the most culturally well-endowed urban centers are now guilty of molesting the cultural fabric that constitutes a pizza. Today, the slice has lost its appeal.

Stopping a contagion means identifying the infection first

The triangular wonder has given way to cheap replacements, and even Stephen Hawking won't be able to explain what the paneer is doing to the global favorite. Just like corporate immunity, pizza creators in the city feel like they can easily find a cover-up for their crimes. The result is a pizza that is highly uncivilized. There is nothing great or Italian about it. Leave the global aura; there is nothing edible about it when it is overloaded with those grumpy pieces of paneer. This is not creativity, but the people doing it don't seem to understand the difference between getting artistic or resource-savvy when remolding a classic.

Any discussion about the pizza being too desi is speculative or vague or both!

Pizza community advocates talk about the type of crust, the amount of cheese, and the generosity of the toppings. But what about the toppings that were never meant to be taken to pizza-land? It is as if the pizza people in the city have hit some sort of ideation barrier. I am a big believer in making gastronomic journeys, each exploration more likely to take you closer to something that has not been defined or uncovered yet. Still, people find the time and the audacity to absolutely kill the entire idea. Pizza making is an innocent enterprise. It's just lots of toppings and a simple sauce on a base of dough. Where is the room to screw it up this bad?

Another kicker to the story: not all types of cheeses are meant for a Pizza

My opinion does suffer from the patchiness of data. After all, I have not tasted pizzas from every eatery of repute that is redoing this otherwise fantastic food. In culturally parched parts of Delhi, the pizza is suffering from localization to the extent of losing its identity. Real sauces and gravies are being replaced by stupid replacements that have nothing to add in terms of real flavors but do the job of filling your mouth rather well. Cottage cheese or paneer is nothing like the many types of cheese that are found overseas. Paneer is too granular and bland. The milkiness is replaced by a totally offsetting type of dairy-ness. I say this without a haze of grumpiness that a food blogger might own.

Pizza should be like whiskey, sharp in the first bite & then induce warmth as it moves further 

Pizzas in the city have been constantly sparring for their share of fair treatment. During the tail-end 2000s first decade, the real assembly line of pizza was realized. It was now here to stay, and you must agree that it has survived the onslaught of many other imported snacking and food items that competed fiercely. Ultimately, the cheesy warrior won. However, just like a new dynasty that tends to border between two extremes of being either too suppressive or all-inclusive, the pizza dynasty made the horrible mistake of allowing itself to be too malleable. It did not need to change so drastically.

Localization might be a Need, but the Stupidity of it was NOT!

Localization experts got the opportunity to trample it, and they have done a great job out of it. The good-old pizza had a fantastic groove, smartly blending excesses of some ingredients with the restraint of others. The result was a wonderful creation that was crunchy, soggy, saucy, bite-ful, tongue-coating, and fatty without any aspect being blown out of proportion. Well-thought-out plans about using more local produce is how other countries are making the pizza more native-friendly. Indians seem to have lost the plot. They are making it either too desi or borderline hipster without realizing the bready goodness cannot afford too much innovation. Its essence has to be captured and preserved at all costs.

Waiting for city pizzas to finally mature? That is how hope works!

Bungled efforts at making the pizza more community-friendly includes serving it with dollops of some chutney besides it. The result? An absolute disaster. Downgrading the value of fresh ingredients in a Pizza, more of refrigerated stock is now becoming the common way in this trade. The pizza walks a tough line between being somewhat health-friendly and utterly indulgent. The latter is where the maximum happiness lies, and this has been substituted without any success. A culturally well-endowed pizza should borrow the local ingredients rather than making them the taste-defining elements.

Is relative affordability killing the pizza essentials?

The city pizza is being made with increasing impunity towards being judged. There are not many food bloggers who are raising a noise where we need a blast to be heard. The impassioned pizza is overloaded with poor selection, and the base is still too thick, too chewy, and too flipped on being more bready rather than a humble base that bites well. The inducement for a better pizza has to be criticism right before something gets viral and starts setting the wrong examples!

From Visually.

Type of Weird Things that Cloud My Mind when I look Serious, Attentive, Concerned

Perhaps, this is not the best thing to share. Being honest can hurt your own interests sometimes but then if I didn’t, I would be the real Me. So, here it goes – from trying to recall if I switched-off the electrical trimmer to whether I stretched properly when wrapping-up a light workout, from the poorly rendered hair color job to counting the number of pimples, from noticing the girth of your wrist to obsessing about if I consumed my daily vitamins or why my underwear has started creasing with more regularity these days…there are so many things that occupy my mind when you think I am being really attentive, actually listening to you!

Self Anointed Tea Wisdom: How much leaf do you have?

Not many people realize that most of the teas they are savoring are essentially handed-down versions of something that is exotically and entirely different. The usual tea powder we get is nothing but a processed, and planned, byproduct of an original that is unique with its leafy goodness. If you have ever had a cup prepared from tea that was provided complete with its leafy forms, chances are that you would have realized the difference - and this is huge! This is not about herbal or green teas. This is about what real tea tastes like - nothing like what the vending machine offers, nothing like the tea bags that seem like well-dressed soldiers packed together. The prices are really different too.

 

Why is nobody doing smaller, cute-sized Burger Armies as a PLATTER option?

This came to mind when viewing the list of usual suspects that make it to a vegetarian platter these days. From a lounge to a club, the platter choices are essentially the same, with little room for customization. However, I feel that this is an underserved niche, i.e., platters that can be somewhat personalized and are more creative. This is about re-inventing and recreating the lost burger. Yes, the contemporary burger is pretty much losing its identity with fake, less-than-soulful patties and an overload of sauces. The result is a mess that is dry, too much, and leaves a huge room for improvement. This can be done by creating a burger platter. You can line up small burgers, each dressed to deliver a different type of taste. Ingredients hand-picked to deliver the unique flavor can vary from heavy lettuce, overtly tomato, zero veggies, soya patty, no-patty-only-eggs, mashed potatoes, cottage cheese only, macaroni filling, layers of salads with fresh mint layering, finger fry as patty version and those that use fruit sauces, sauteed vegetables, sweet fillings, multiple types of dried fruits and nuts, etc.

What to expect from these designer burgers?

Each of these platter burgers needs to be just about 2-bite-big. Easy to finish, whether you happen to hate or love the flavors, these burgers should be served with the option of adding more fillings as you please. Each platter should have pre-dressed x 6 burgers at least, with about 10 to 12 customized as-you-go options. Just thinking about this again - how about a burger with every ingredient dipped in a thick coating of thick, hung curd, without a patty? These burgers would naturally come without any overwhelming, taste-killing excesses like too much of a tomato or chili sauce. Diners should have the option of getting more DIY with chopsticks that can be used for picking up small ingredients and then shoving and pushing them between the buns.

Sharing Food Ideas | Culinary Inspirations | Recreating the Burger

- Things that make me hate Honey Chilly Potatoes

- How runny eggs can spoil food aesthetics?

Her Bra Strap is Showing, so why should you feel uncomfortable?

This continues to happen to me repeatedly, though I realize I am not doing anything wrong – every time there is a lady with her bra strap clearly showing around the neck-shoulder area, I feel this weird anxiety overcome me. It is as if my mind splits into two halves. One party says that looking at them is not wrong since I didn’t pull them out of their safe confines. The other, more vocal half keeps saying that looking at them is rude and looking at them and pretending not to be aware of their presence is even ruder! You are still lying! I think it is time I got another appointment with my shrink.

Going (Pea)Nuts…yet again, Winters does this to me!

It wasn’t a great start to the winter season as me and my wife fell sick. My jaundice too forever to clear-up and as a couple, we are still loading-up on all types of natural, detox aids to ensure that the sickening hangover of being over-medicated is uprooted and dumped for good. However, now that am eating the more regular stuff again, the annual challenge of winter eating is up and running. What is this about? Resisting the temptation of loading-up on peanuts and gudd. The combination is like a dose of morphine to someone suffering from extreme pain. I can devour packets full of peanuts, taking the time to crack and split apart each entity, taking pleasure in what seems like a playful activity that rewards you with a strong nutty flavor.

For Delhi Metro Riders: How Old is ‘seat-worthy old’?

During my many sojourns in the Delhi Metro, I have realized one thing that no matter how much Delhiites are ridiculed, they have some degree of respect towards the elderly. One thriving example of this is the fact that men and women of all ages are more than forthcoming when it comes to vacating their seats for an elderly person. However, from a personal perspective, this trend confuses me, besides making me feel good about my city. For starters, apart from the folks who are extremely old and look weathered and worn-out, how do I always know about vacating my seat? I don’t want to offer my precious, hard-fought seat to just about anyone who has a few more grey hairs than me or someone who just looks old, someone who has a congenital condition that causes too much wrinkling. I want to offer my seat to only those who are truly elderly, and for me, this demarcation starts at the age of 60 years. Anyone below this landmark should be able to sustain their bodyweight on his/her two legs. This creates quite a predicament.

The Actresses are Revealed

This happened to me when I was naive about the ways of the Delhi Metro. I was comfortably seated in the General, non-Ladies section as the next stop approached. A fair lady, in her mid-30s, approached me. She had a body language that suggested that she couldn't take "No" for an answer. However, I did not mind seeing her in the eye and not moving from my seat. There is nothing wrong with holding on to your seat when the Delhi Metro offers a dedicated ladies' compartment and reserved seats. As a man and a paying customer, there is nothing wrong with me when I want to seek some comfort for my workplace-tortured aching legs and bum.

Metro: The Last, Save Haven for Women in the City?

This might sound shocking to some of you, but to me it makes perfect sense. The recent wave of anguish and helplessness among people and their attempts to protect the women of Delhi got me started thinking if there was a place that could be considered safe within the capital region. Come to think of it, women have been groped, molested, raped, and murdered within their homes, offices, public parks, and upmarket hang-outs. What does this suggest? Firstly, we, as a city, should stop priding ourselves on living in the capital of India. A city that has its soul bloodied with women and minor girls on an everyday basis just cannot be projected as the seat of political or financial might. On that note, I would also like to add that we, as a nation, shouldn't be too gung-ho about Democracy. We have manipulated and shamed every constitutional right and a country that cannot even respect its soldiers should keep its mouth shut and not roar about being the biggest Democracy. Coming back to this discussion, it emerged that the Delhi Metro was perhaps the only place in the city that can be officially termed "safe" for women, i.e., the front bogie reserved for female commuters. The story can take an ugly turn in the general bogies, but so far, the Metro has managed a reasonably impressive record. Thanks to the combined strength of fellow women passengers, absence of threats (men) and strict penalties on those who try to force their way in with the typical, 'Chalta Hai' attitude, the women's bogie of the Delhi Metro is at least one spot in the city where a lady can be forgiven for thinking that she is living in the capital of a behemoth, billion-people nation. 

Updated on January 29th, 2018

Just saw the brave women and men recognized for their courage at the 26th January parade in New Delhi. Just makes me wonder that if half of us started fighting back, the entire mob of idiots who assume us for ready victims, break the law jokingly, and scoff at the system that rules us, things would be a lot better. When you see a woman being harassed at work or in public transit, do you try and get involved or at least try to polarize others towards the event so that someone can intervene and save the day? There are superheroes, we have to look out for each other...this is not some emotionally-ridden thought for the day, but the sad reality that we just don't accept.

Metro Service Updates Missing: How About Express Services?

The Metro continues to serve the city without grudges or any discrimination. Its services have been diversified and amplified to ensure that the Metro riders are further comforted. However, something is missing in all that is being planned for the Delhi Metro. I have a recommendation, and I guess it does make some serious sense. There are a lot of folks like me who use the Metro for traveling daily, from the city to the NCR.

Luxury-class ticketed, higher-fare express route services make sense

Despite the great connectivity, the sheer volume of passengers and the interchange takes a serious toll on the comfort factor, often leaving the commuters gasping for breath. I want to propose an Express Line. This service could be run just three or four times a day from major city pick-up locations, straight to the NCR drop points without stopping in between. Such a service cannot be run during the high-traffic hours. It would only be feasible towards the earliest of hours when the Delhi Metro commences its services for the day, and maybe, just once or twice more during the course of the day. Once the daily NCR commuters know of such a service, they and their workplaces would ensure that it is used to their benefit. The Metro, too, can benefit from it by charging a premium amount for an exclusive service.

The Cleavage Watchers: No Dearth of Voyeuristic Enthusiasm

This won't be surprising to those who have the slightest bit of observant sensibilities. However, it could be shocking to those who remain lost in their own world, within the confines of their utterly blissful ignorance. In a way, I actually admire the latter kind, for they don't realize the absolute mediocrity and retarded mindsets that surround us. By now, you would be wondering what I am blabbering about. I realize the introduction to this discussion is a bit too long, but I just wanted to create some sort of a cerebral platform before I dive into what is a shameful fact about riding the Delhi Metro, i.e., the presence of slightly perverted, overtly enthusiastic voyeur lovers who are always on the lookout for an opportunity to glance down a lady's cleavage. Yes, this also suggests that I tend to look around too much, but I don't go around eye-balling cleavages unless they are shoved in my face, unavoidably and suddenly.

Dem Lost Souls

Being an avid Metro user and a keen observer, I couldn't help notice people who choose to remain clueless and wander the Delhi Metro platforms as if they are sightseeing. For the uninitiated, I am not talking about people using the Delhi Metro for the first time or those who are genuinely dumb. I am talking about folks who use the Delhi Metro rather often and actually know the routes. However, they have this penchant to ask for directions, reconfirm the routes, and re-reconfirm what they already know. These Lost Souls can be found at most Delhi Metro stations, vaguely floating from one co-passenger to another, nodding their head after hearing an answer they already know. Please understand that the Delhi Metro platform offers immediately-searchable and easy-to-understand information. So what drives people to repeatedly confirm their position on a Delhi Metro platform despite being fully aware that they are in the right place and won't be kidnapped by aliens? I guess it is just a case of being spooked out by the long winding tunnels of the Delhi Metro, which they fear might suck them into oblivion, or an overworked sense of imagination that makes them feel that the Metro tracks are ghost-controlled and tend to change every day, after midnight!

Changing Tracks: Hustling it like Bestylish.com

I realize that this blog was supposed to be Metro-centric centric but I just could not resist the temptation to share with you guys how bestylish.com is currently using and hustling online shoppers like me on 15 August 2012. For starters, they launched an aggressive email campaign, claiming to offer a nearly 80% discount. Further, this section actually had a pretty decent collection. However, as soon as I started choosing, combining, and checking out after spending about 30 minutes, the site repeatedly started stating "bad server connection". When I called up their customer care, the answer was like a pre-fed response: "There is a technical issue". What I didn't realize at that time was that upon hitting refresh or reviewing my shopping cart every few minutes, the list started getting emptied. For some reason, the stock seemed to be withering away every minute!

However, every time I chose to proceed towards buying something away from the discount list, the payment gateway was happy to welcome me!! The site only presented the payment issue until its Clearance list was left to around 10-12 items...isn't it obvious? This was just a marketing gimmick to tantalize, hook, and induce online shoppers to buy more from them. Shame on bestylish.com, calling them an online brand is a blasphemy of retail itself.  Whoever the manager or CEO running this freak-show is, better know that word about such things gets out pretty quick, son! U are not a marketing genius, just played a dumb hand that is gonna become your own strangle-hold. Feel like opening a big can of whup-a** on these jerks. Just another example of why I look down upon the typical MBA professionals: their entire training is focused on manipulating the consumer mindset and not tonkeeping it well-informed or happy.

She Ain’t No Blonde or Princess, She’s Just Rajouri!

This is my first submission that will focus on the Metro typecasts I have come across. I have a slightly cynical outlook, and thus, I am going to begin with a typical kind of Delhi Metro passenger that needs a serious reality check—I call “it” the “Rajouri Types,” and this is particularly applicable to the women who board the metro from the Rajouri Garden Metro Station and the nearby areas. You must be wondering what could be so typical about such women. Well, there is nothing wrong with them except for the fact that they are highly prone to thinking that they belong to an elite class that should be treated superiorly within the Metro. Recognizing this pseudo-royal segment within the Metro is not difficult. You don’t need to have the acumen of a Sherlock or possess an obsessive tendency to observe to identify them. The Rajouri type is instantly recognizable. For starters, she looks like a walking advertisement for the latest cosmetic products. The hair is usually dyed to a certain shade of blonde and tied loosely to ensure the highlights get the highlight they deserve.

From what adorns the ears to the fingers, everything about her is blingy—it seems that the rule here is the bigger and shinier, the better. Most likely, she would be carrying the latest phone and holding it in a manner that announces it to the entire world. But look closely, and chances are that the phone might not be the original stuff. It is very likely to be a well-concealed imitation, bought from locales like the Ghaffar. The overall aura is of someone who is heads and shoulders above the other, poor North West Delhi inhabitants. There is a bit of NRI-borrowed slang and tone borrowed when speaking, and the perfume reeks of an old habit of spraying so much that everyone in a near 100-meter radius can smell the floral stuff. You can count on carrying a high-street shopping bag that reinforces the ability to spend big, even if the bag contains nothing but a borrowed attitude. The lipstick shades are usually loud - lots of darker hues of red, maroon, and purple. If it happens to be the wedding season or a period around the festivals, expect the body art in brown to scream for attention, even if the invitations are yet to come in. 

Decoding the Phenomenon: Metro Sleep

I guess this discovery should get me nominated into the league of folks who have contributed significantly to deciphering human behavior, or more precisely, the human sleep patterns. At a time when most leading magazines have run out of ideas and cannot write anything new about sleep, sleeping habits, sleeping problems, etc. I have unearthed a new kind of sleep! Yes, this might surprise you, but keeping my observant senses in the switch-on mode has finally yielded results. I have titled my discovery as the “Metro Sleep”. This kind of sleep is seen among only those who have the fortune (or misfortune) of riding the Delhi Metro.

The “Metro Sleep” presents some very different features when compared to our understanding of what comprises human sleep. For starters, it can be easily manipulated. For instance, as soon as Metro riders see an aged fellow or a lady approaching them or having just boarded the Metro, their eyes start getting heavy. Whether this happens due to the realization that they are too cowardly to look into the eyes of people to whom offering their seat would seem like the right thing to do, is something that would need a lot more scientific (and moralistic) proof. Secondly, the Metro Sleep is gender-specific. It is hardly ever seen among the ladies. 

It has a bigger prevalence within the age group of 15 – 40, among guys. This is quite understandable since men are most likely to be robbed of their seats, considering that the Metro policy-makers forgot about them when distributing the entire seating capacity among the disabled, abled women, older women, pregnant women, unbalanced women, egoistic women, hyperactive women, cleavage-flaunting women, and basically, women of all types. Lastly, “Metro Sleep” has a self-optimization system that works with amazing precision. This means that as soon as the victim of this syndrome sees that his potential seat-snatcher is now lost in the Metro crowd or isn’t close enough to pose a threat to his seat-occupancy, the sleepiness evaporates almost instantly. It is unarguably the smartest form of all human sleep types that have been discovered until today. It works in absolute coherence with its victim’s self-interests, doesn’t induce much lethargy, and seems akin to hanging your head in shame, albeit with your eyes shut!

The ‘Monsoon Warrior’: If You Use It, Don’t Abuse It

Few nations in the world can boast of a weather phenomenon so influential that it can topple governments and impact nearly every aspect of human life by its erratic ways—I am talking about the Monsoons in India. The Monsoons are so mighty that they can drown the entire Mumbai metropolis within a few hours or decide how much we would need to spend on our daily bread throughout the year. However, there is one warrior among us, made of steel and absolute grit, who doesn’t succumb to the Moody Monsoons. This is the Delhi Metro. Today was a pleasant day when the Monsoons, so far conspicuous by their absence, arrived and threw the capital city out of its comfort zone. To make matters worse, the Northern Grid had tripped, and the Metro was left reeling with no power! However, to the dismay of those who laugh at the commoners like us who travel day and night in the overwhelmingly crowded tube train, the Metro didn’t accept defeat. Within a few hours, when some idiots had started verbally abusing it, cursing it for its lapses, the Metro was back to its usual benchmark of performance. I must say that if the Metro could hear what some people say about it, rather b***h about it, every time there is the smallest of snags, it would seriously reconsider serving the people of the city. There are some hard realities that the Metro-bashers seem to forget—before it arrived, the lives of those who travel daily across the city were at the mercy of killer buses and the Goondaraj of auto-wallahs. Now that we have at least one dependable and honest mass transit medium, we'd better be thankful for it, use it sensibly, and accept that, like everything else in life, the Metro isn’t perfect, but it works to our advantage and delivers without fail.

Don’t Hang on for Your Life—Just Spread it like an Orangutan

You must be thinking I am asking you to do some yoga posture that requires you to really stretch yourself. Naah!! You couldn’t be more wrong. This is more of a handy tip to make yourself more comfortable when aboard the Delhi Metro. I have noticed that most Metro commuters really struggle to balance themselves. The smallest of jerks seems to throw them off their balance. I, too, faced something similar during my early days in the Delhi Metro. Every time I didn’t have a firm grip on the support rods or the hanger-like danglers, I would fall upon a fellow passenger who would either frown with utter disgust or just smile, i.e., in the case of men. The few instances wherein I brushed against a lady, the expressions ranged from an “UFF” that would have done the Princess of Arabia proud to a lethal stare that suggested I had some seriously ulterior motives. At one point, I was seriously contemplating some exercises that could help improve body balance to get a better stance during the Metro traveling hours.

Source: https://allabout-japan.com/en/article/2249/

Moving ahead, if you are serious about balancing yourself on the Metro, even without holding on to something, just spread your legs to the maximum. I realize this phrase has a somewhat twisted meaning for women, so I am going to limit myself to guys only. I have a biggish frame, and I am more than 6” tall. To get my balance right, I spread my legs beyond my shoulder width. The further you can spread, the more immune you make yourself against being thrown ahead or backwards, every time the Metro jerks. I really don’t understand the Physics behind my tip, but it does seem to work rather well.

Even if you find the Metro crowded, just ensure you slip your foot between that of others, twisting and turning it like a snake, unless you feel that stretching any further could compromise the health of your groin or your manhood. It is not just Delhi, and it isn't just me who faces the issue. Ask daily commuters in Japan, being served by an astronomically better public tube system, and you will realize how finding space in the most crowded trains is actually an acquired art - it does not come easy. You need to practice the trade. There are some very handy tips shared by Andrew Griffiths in this 2015 blog in the hyperlink that preceded this sentence - click and read about them if you are going to be Metro-traveling regularly. There is a bit of Physics and Body Science involved here, and people with rock climbing credentials might be more likely to get a better grip than you, and also fall over less often. From the one-finger hold to the shoulder-press gate phase, from tip-toeing like the late MJ to letting yourself be taken along in the river of humanity, there are so many tricks to travel better in crowded trains that you cannot read about and imbibe - you have to pay the dues, suffer, and get better at this!

The Great Leveler, Humbled by the Metro & Work-life

I don’t ride the high horse of belonging to a niche section of society that cannot bear a single drop of sweat on their mighty foreheads. However, my childhood unfolded in a manner that could be best described as ‘arrested development’ despite growing a typically middle-class environment. As a result, many hesitations about people, places, and being in the outdoors got imprinted on my psyche. I am no Different—though I hold the bare minimum of typecasts that overwhelm many of us, some have passively filtered into my mind and corroded its judgment. Like any other true Delhi resident, I too often bitch about the fact that how the out-of-stationers are overcrowding our city or how our tax money is being used for creating facilities that we seldom use ourselves. However, this discussion is more about how public transit systems can instill some humility in you and how being humble can help you live perhaps a better life... 

Fattening Burgers are Good, Everything Else is a Compromise

If you have been wondering why the burger happens to be so dry, too saucy, too textured, disdainfully banal or overtly flavored at different food retail places, there is a simple reason - everyone is trying to figure out what makes the burger really good even as they try to recreate, repackage and resell it, not realizing that the Holy Grail of all burgers lead to one, and one path only, i.e. succulent, smoked patties layered in their own melting fat. No matter how underdressed the burger is, if the patty happens to have squirt-like fat streams, it will compensate for being low on basic filling supplies.