Across North India, the loss of someone in the family gives way to an official period of 13 days during which it is advised not to indulge in things that would usually give you pleasure. I am not sure as I say this, but it seems like this includes your bedroom time too! In many ways, this makes sense. The death of a parent is about mourning and grieving the loss that cannot be overturned, no matter what others say about the healing prowess of time itself. The first few days are about abstaining from even eating proper meals, and again, this makes sense because grieving a parent shouldn't be about having a good mealtime. But then again, a question surfaces in my mind. When you're in the throes of depression and anxiety, when you have lost a pillar in your life, and you don't see the supposed positive side of things, at that moment, giving up on comfort food really cannot help you, can it?
What is comfort food to you? What is emotional eating all about? These are psychologically verified facets of life. Most people will reach out for a bar of Snickers when they are feeling unsettled. This could be when stepping out for a final round of discussions at a prospective employer. Emotionally challenging times can make people stuff themselves, not because they are rejoicing in a phase of feeling horrible, but because the sugar high or the influx of complex carbohydrates paves the way for feeling somewhat normal when everything seems to be going wrong. In this manner, shouldn't comfort food be permissible when you have lost someone, when your arms and legs feel too heavy to move, and you are questioning the purpose of resuming your family life or going back to work?
Does eating bland food actually appease the Spirit? Will the Spirit of a doting parent actually appreciate that you are nearly starving or depriving yourself as you try to control those bouts of crying and suppress your angst? I am not really sure about this. I realize that some things shouldn't be argued about - anything related to Death and its customs in India just cannot be reasoned with, but I cannot help looking out for the human psyche's perspective in this.
What if the best distraction during such times is merely a quick round under the sheets with your partner? This might be a jump-starter to reconnecting with the life around you that suddenly seems to have become alien. It brings a human touch in a way that just cannot be mimicked by worshiping or praying. I have not been blessed with a mind that can help me cry in pain or pleasure when doing it, but I have read about it and seen it - it seems true that healing can begin in the bedroom. It can throw off the melancholic hormones that tend to accumulate excessively during such periods of extreme grief. Crying when having s*x in a subtly painful but overwhelmingly soulful way might help to open up those clogged pores of emotions, letting your body & mind gain a quick dose of recuperation.
Isn't this better than sleeping pills?
If you are doing it faithfully with your partner, is it still sinful?
Will our ancestors hate us for it?
I am not sure, but just like I confess that I have seen tear-filled, soul-satisfying mating, I have also come across content that cites couples unable to get back to their bedroom misadventures after a death in the family. A certain type of taboo or guilt becomes associated with the act.